


Here Kitty, There Kitty

by Anonymous



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cosplay, Crack Treated Seriously, Happy Halloween I guess, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 11:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Felix is always in a better mood after Dimitri fucks his brain out. He'd be happy for once— everyone wins!Or: Sylvain's a good Samaritan for buying a catsuit for his childhood friends and their sexcapades. He's doing the world a god damnservice.





	Here Kitty, There Kitty

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this fanart](https://asterixer.tumblr.com/post/187945553118/i-was-supposed-to-draw-sylvain-next-someone-take) and [this fanart](https://asterixer.tumblr.com/post/188691794053/well-it-was-national-cat-day-but-i-draw-so-slow). there's absolutely no context to this other than horniness. unfortunately this year i will not be participating in no nut november

Felix doesn’t know why he trusted Sylvain with finding him a Halloween costume in the first place. Really, this current situation, barring clenched fists as he gapes at the monstrosity that is his reflection in the mirror, is his _own damn fault_. Felix has nobody to blame but himself, but will blame Sylvain anyways.

Felix should have burned the costume as soon as he saw the spandex, but some part of him was hoping it would be like, Batman or something. A normal pop culture reference that even suited Felix's aesthetics. All hopes of being the Dark Knight were severed when he saw those god-forsaken ears, which definitely were_ not_ part of Batman's hood, because they had pink in them. 

“Damn, Felix, you’re sexy,” Sylvain claps, admiring his handiwork. He can obviously sense Felix's deathly aura and purposefully chooses to ignore it. “I knew you'd look great — leave everything to my expertise!”

Felix continues to glare. "I should have killed you a long time ago.”

Sylvain only laughs. "He’s going to love it, though!”

Ah, Dimitri. The reason why he was in this mess to begin with, and why he didn't immediately rip it off. Felix didn't explicitly ask for a sexy costume from Sylvain, but knowing the self-proclaimed expert of love, Sylvain was absolutely thinking of their conveniently absent childhood-friend-turned-Felix's boyfriend. Forget being pathetically in love with Dimitri his entire life; Felix should have killed the _both of them _a long time ago.

Then he wouldn't be wearing this in the first place. But Sylvain is probably right; Dimitri always enjoyed whatever Sylvain... prepared for them, as much as Felix hated to admit it. And a Happy Dimitri, is a Happy Felix. He hated that, too.

“Oh, before I forget,” Sylvain chirps. His voice, somehow, becomes even haughtier; it makes Felix want to wring something around his neck. Sylvain hands Felix a small gift bag; Felix knows he should brace himself before opening it. “Here’s the finishing touch to this ensemble.”

Felix eyes his smirk suspiciously, snatching the bag away. He takes that dreaded look inside and all color leaves his face, knuckles whitening even further. Sylvain is lucky that Felix is changed out of his regular clothes; his Swiss army knife would already have been thrown if it was at his side. He reaches for the elder's arm to dig welts into skin, but in that split second Sylvain had already cleverly bolted for the door.

”Yeah, you _better _run before I give you something to be afraid of—" 

“Happy Halloween! See you later!” Sylvain hums, slamming the door behind him. He leaves Felix to simmer in his anti-Sylvain campaign. Even though Felix is angry now, he'd thank him later. Maybe sink in a few bruises, but Sylvain is at least adept at avoiding knives.

Felix always complains at first, whenever Sylvain stepped into Dimitri and Felix's sexcapades. But those silly boys need guidance. Who better than one of their companions who had witnessed their disgustingly slowburn romance epic from the start? If anything, Ingrid should be more proactive in their romance — Sylvain's just being a good friend.

Not that Sylvain thinks he’ll see Felix or Dimitri later at his Halloween party. He doesn’t mind; he did this for them, after all. If anything, they better _not_ show up, with him going through all that trouble buying that costume. An _ex_ sold him that fucking_ contraption_ at the sex shop, and that wasn't even the worst of it. The look on Marianne’s face when she accidentally peeked in the bag was something Sylvain would rather not recreate.

It'd be worth it, though. Felix is always in a better mood after getting his brain fucked out by Dimitri. Said bitch would be happy for once— everybody wins!

Sylvain is a good Samaritan, so he tells himself. He's doing the world a god damn _service. _

* * *

Really, Felix could_ burn_ the god damned catsuit. Dimitri isn't home yet. He could take it off, throw it in an incinerator. Out the window. Forget it ever existed to begin with. 

But he can't deny that he's curious for the expression on Dimitri's face, the reaction to seeing him like this. Black, skin-tight material clings onto Felix's form, showing off his legs, his ass, curves of muscle on his chest and arms.

Yes, Sylvain is the bane of his existence, and no one enjoys his (former) philandering ways, but they also cannot deny his bountiful exploits. Before Marianne von Edmund, of all people, had finally tamed the beast (hah), Sylvain had fucked his way into half of Fodlan's beds. Of _all_ people _he_ would have the power of seduction at his side; he'd know what's sexy, to Felix's disdain. He and Dimitri really didn't know how to spice up their sex life sans rough play, and even then that could get old.

Felix sits on his and Dimitri's bed, stares down at his suit, the bottle of lube and tail plug he was so 'generously' gifted, contemplating his entire existence. A convenient zipper for the ass — yeah, there's no way this was made for Sylvain's Halloween party. But it does make the suit convenient for its purpose. He just hopes that Sylvain didn't get a custom-made one or anything, or worse, have _Ingrid _make it for him.

Well, it's now or never. His eyebrows furrow when he reaches back and zips the suit down. His breath hitches when the curve of his ass is exposed, and he sighs when he squeezes some lube onto his fingers. The standard routine, circling his entrance and then pushing one and two in, thrusting until the third could fit easier.

But now, the godforsaken tail plug. It goes in with ease after Felix fucks into himself a bit. Silicone's not a foreign feeling, but he'd much rather feel warmth from another body.

"Felix?" a voice calls from the doorway. "What are... you doing?"

Prepared, right in time for the boar's arrival. Dimitri must have a sixth sense or something. Maybe a horny Felix radar. His face is beet red, good eye widened and darting from Felix's suit to the tail plug inserted in his ass.

Felix wonders when he'd come in. Was it as he was fingering himself, adjusting to the tail? Or even before that, waving his ass in the air and waiting to make his move? Either way, _finally, _the show could go on.

“Are you going to stand there and gawk at me? You truly are an_ idiot _boar.” Though Felix is talking out of his ass, too, what with something in it after all.

Dimitri blinks several times, before realizing that was an invitation and almost runs to bed.

Sylvain is one of his best friends. Dimitri would _really_ have to thank him later.

Before anything, Dimitri takes a good look at Felix's form. He's in disbelief at the costume, and how unbelievably revealing it is: it doesn't leave anything to the imagination, all assets exposed. The, ah, un-zippered ass. God, that fucking plug. And Felix's _ears_. Would he be finding Sylvain's body in a dam later?

A worthy sacrifice, if he got to see this.

"You're so beautiful," Dimitri murmurs as he nears Felix and strokes his cheek. Not what he expected, actually, but the boar did like to be romantic at the most inappropriate times.

"Am I now?" Felix says bemusedly, shrugging Dimitri's hand away and instead grabbing his face to smash lips against lips. Such unwarranted gentleness.

"Yes," Dimitri insists, a blush on his face as Felix pulls away. "Beautiful, and incredibly sexy."

"_That's_ more like it." Dimitri laughs before Felix shuts him up again, and then wraps his arms around Felix in an embrace before hands start to feel him all over. The material is light over Felix's skin, so it feels as if flesh melts together; Dimitri could touch him forever, but knows Felix would get impatient soon. After a semi-thorough examination, of Dimitri's favorite legs and thighs, his hands move to Felix's ass to massage it and elicit a moan into his mouth. 

”Oh?” Dimitri piques curiously at the object as hands move over Felix's ass. “There’s a switch... I wonder what it does—“ Felix's eyes widen when he realizes, and he doesn't know if he should thank Sylvain or damn him to hell.

For anyone else, this would be foreplay talk, but Felix_ knows_ Dimitri_ truly_ doesn't know what it is. Nonetheless, the switch flickers on, and the godforsaken plug starts _vibrating_. Felix covers his mouth with his palm and bites, lest he lets out an embarrassing mewl.

Dimitri's jaw drops. "Oh my.”

”_Fuck you,_” Felix groans, wiping the sides of his mouth of drool.

"Isn't that what you're trying to do in the first place?" Dimitri quips.

He has a point. "S-Shut up." Dimitri's lips curve upwards, and fingers circle around the plug. Hesitantly, he takes the bottle next to Felix and squirts some on his fingers, before circling Felix's entrance again. Felix's hand can't stop the sounds from coming out this time, when Dimitri thrusts a finger in, and then another simultaneous with the vibrating plug inside of him. The inclusion of Dimitri's thick fingers and the vibrator shaking, both hitting his sweet spot so nicely, turn Felix's brain into absolute mush.

”You,” Felix moans, throwing his head back. “Fuck, I’m going to—“

Cum stains the front of Felix's suit seconds after, sweat dripping down his neck. Dimitri withdraws his fingers and switches off the vibrator, letting Felix ride out his orgasm. He grabs Dimitri's collar and pulls him in for a kiss, grinding against him, and bottom half convulsing. 

Felix feels a throbbing in Dimitri's pants, but it doesn't feel at full mast yet. He needs some time to recover before they can properly fuck anyways. That just means busying himself with other things. After a few heated moments of breaths into Dimitri's chest, he regains some of his composure and fumbles with the zipper of Dimitri’s pants. One hand zips the larger man down, the other paws at his erection.

”Felix—“ Dimitri tries out of concern. Felix only shoots him a glare, though it's not very effective when his eyes are glazed with want. 

”Shut up, boar,” Felix mutters, freeing Dimitri's cock from its confines. He licks his lips hungrily, having Dimitri sit up and sprawls himself across Dimitri's lap. “Let me do this for you.” 

Confidently, Felix licks the tip, lips around the head not long after. Felix's mouth is wet and warm as he slowly takes more of Dimitri in, and Dimitri is helpless in his care, watching and wincing. One hand massages Dimitri's balls, the other, pumps at his length as Felix's mouth bobs on the lower half. 

Dimitri's hand finds its way to Felix's hair, grasping at loosened threads. ”S-Such a good cat...”

_Fuck._

Felix is going to _kill_ Sylvain for awakening this kink. And himself, actually, because that's enough to get him up and going again too. 

””Oh god,” Felix whines, mouth pulling away from Dimitri's cock. Dimitri is definitely ready now, cock at its fullest. Pre-cum and saliva stain Felix's lips and connect to Dimitri's tip, but something else twitches with fervent need. “I need you—“

He’d usually feel bad for not finishing Dimitri off, but Dimitri would be fucking something better than his mouth soon. And that sight of Felix shedding arrogance, losing control, looking at him with such _desire_ is something that Dimitri can't ignore.

Dimitri pounces on him passionately, with a sharp growl, a capturing kiss. He throws Felix on his back, spreads Felix's legs and pushes them to his chest. The action rips the suit at its thighs, but both of them are way too far gone to care.

"Shit," Dimitri groans, at plunging into Felix's tight heat. Or because of the rips? Who knows. Hearing the vulgarity and the loud pants mixed with his own makes Felix swell with pride.

Felix can’t help but also feel proud for how swiftly he’s able to adjust to Dimitri’s length. When they first started having sex, it was almost unbearable for both— Felix, from an obviously large intrusion, and Dimitri, from making his lover uncomfortable. But Felix was never one to give up, especially for something he’d wanted for so _long_. With sheer determination, lots of lube, and many nights of fingering, dildo and regular sex practice (to Dimitri's disdain), he could now take Dimitri like a fucking champ.

This time is no exception. Dimitri gets right to it and quickly sets up a rhythm for them both. In the past, he'd been so afraid to hurt Felix, but after months of getting to know each other's bodies and Felix's impish insistence, he allows himself this one vice. To lose himself in Felix, because Felix wants it, wants him, wants Dimitri to fuck him roughly, without a care, even to the point where it can hurt—

Biting at necks, nails digging into flesh, bruises sucked as constellations on skin. In the middle of all that, more material rips, taking pity on Felix's restrained cock and letting it bounce against Dimitri's midriff. Felix under him, no longer calling him boar, but his name, and Dimitri's whispers into his ear, like they were made for each other, Felix was made for Dimitri, Dimitri was made for Felix, _I was made for you_—

Release follows not long after, Dimitri whimpering into Felix's neck as warmth spills and fills Felix up, while Felix's own cock stains the chest of his suit and Dimitri's stomach. They lay in each other's embrace, Felix's fingers laced in Dimitri's hair and Dimitri's own hands stroking Felix's hips.

“I... Wow,” Dimitri breathes, kissing at Felix’s jaw. He doesn't pull out just yet, savoring the moments post-bliss. Waiting for their heartbeats to calm. "You're the best, Felix."

Felix only smirks. _Damn right I am. _

One last kiss on the lips, before Dimitri pulls out and some seed drips down his thighs. He remembers something crucial, though, and an arm reaches out to a forgotten item lying next to them. Felix feels something else push into his thoroughly fucked hole.

”Wait, what are you—“ Felix gasps when he feels the silicone of the tail plug. Oh god. _To prevent any more of Dimitri's cum from leaking out._

_"Dimitri." _Said man only smiles and kisses his neck, petting the cat ears perched on Felix's head. Felix's face flushes, both embarrassed and enthralled. God, Felix's stomach is going to hurt tomorrow, but who gives a shit? They have a_ long_ night ahead of them.

Dimitri then frowns when he gives a once over to Felix's catsuit. “You won’t be able to wear this to Sylvain’s party.” Dimitri'd ripped holes at the thighs, and most importantly at the _crotch_, but it wasn’t _completely_ his fault. Spandex is such flimsy material.

Felix rolls his eyes. "I don’t think Sylvain intended for us to go to his party to begin with.” Unless Sylvain now wanted them to try exhibitionism, which both of them really weren't keen on.

”Oh,” It's Dimitri's turn for colored cheeks. “I suppose we shouldn’t... waste his gift then.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the horniest thing I’ve ever written and I’m really, really sorry. there is just something about felix and dimilix that awakens something in me and i'm truly sorry that this is being posted not just during no nut november, but all saints/all souls day.
> 
> uh. I am halfway through the game, finished with BE/GD's routes, but have only done 7 chapters of BL’s route so I hope they’re still at least somewhat IC even though it's...basically just smut. everyone is obviously "timeskip" age. there's...not really much plot or backstory to this so leave the reasoning to dimitri's boar nickname to your imagination. thanks for reading! writing smut still really embarrasses me weeps i think this is rushed but i just wanted it to be over.........


End file.
